so, if you've been reading any posts in the past six weeks then you know that we live in a room. and if you know my heart then you know that i love jesus christ with my whole heart and therefore put my hope and trust in Him. this phase of our journey is but a faction of a breath (james 3:14) in view of eternity and if i keep the main thing (Jesus) the main thing then everything else pales in comparison!
but if i am to be a genuine follower of christ than i am compelled to tell you that there are days where the main thing comes in line somewhere behind all of my selfish hopes, wants, and wishes that my flesh so desperately desires. those are dark days! and those are the days that God's silence is like a knife to my heart. please tell me you've had those moments. moments of desperation to just hear from the LORD... not even concerned about what he may say as long as he'll just speak. oh, friend... i am there.
the silence really is the hardest part.
and if i stay there, it becomes dangerous. the enemy convinces me that the LORD doesn't know, doesn't hear, and/or doesn't care. i begin to believe that if HE loved me then HE would provide for these immidiate needs. hmmm... unless i look a little deeper, dig into truth, and allow that truth to spread the rays of its goodness into the deep, dark lies of doubt.
you see, the LORD is concerned for our immediate needs! our spiritual needs. a home will not make me more righteous or push me toward godliness. Jesus knows what i need and it isn't ease. it isn't comfort. He is stirring up things in all of us - not to watch us fail, but to refine us and make us into something more beautiful and more useful for His kingdom.
now, i don't know about you, but i can't take my heart and make it spin 180 degrees. if i'm doubting God's provisions and goodness, it is hard to come out of that spiral because the enemy is locked and loaded. so here is what i've been doing to stay out of the danger zone. it's totally novel... i'm sure you've never thought of it... a totally new and original idea (do you hear the sarcasm? ha).
scripture!!
i don't know where we are suppose to go - psalm 23:1-4/ 32:8 - but he is my shepherd, he will instruct me
i feel helpless - 2 cor 12:9 - but his power is most effective in those moments
i'm tired, i can't do this - Heb 12:3 - but we are not to grow weary (look to jesus as our example)
this doesn't make sense to me - proverbs 3:5-6 - i can't rely on my understanding
this is testing my faith - Rom 4:20 - instead let it strengthen my faith
God doesn't hear my cry -james 5:16 - he not only wants me to pray and hears me, but it is effective
the list goes on, but this, my sweet friends, has been my life line. lots of people ask us how we're doing this... only by His grace and in His strength. and when the enemy tries to get that foothold - we have to defend ourselves with the sword of truth!
We were just talking today about how we thought the silence after the kids go to bed would be hard (after 8pm in a one-roomer, what can you do?) so I thought that's what you were writing about. Way to be spiritual instead. :-) It was SO good to see you this weekend, and your faithfulness and cheery attitude in the midst of "more than usual" life craziness is just... inspiring and encouraging. Love you sister!
ReplyDeleteAmen! Thank you for the strong reminder and the faithful way you are following. Praying for you all during this transition to the God who sees, hears, and knows!
ReplyDeleteOh friend! I know exactly what that feels like. It's awful! It's devastating! It's angering, and yet He is faithful even when we don't feel it. We like to think that we can discern His hand and that He will show us what He is working in us during the hard times. But sometimes we realize that His ways are so, so, so, far above ours.
ReplyDeleteI've had those times of darkness, of silence, some of which I still don't understand their purpose. "But I know whom I have believed and am pursueded that He is able."
Keep reading, keep holding on to the written Word. It's like the anesthesiologists tell my patients in C-sections when they feel like they can't breathe. "If you're talking, you can breathe."
I have known the silence. I am praying that you experience the goodness of His answers soon!! Praying, praying, praying from Austin! I love you!!
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