I was recently in a church service where the question was posed, "What is the condition of your heart?" It pierced me deeply that day and this question continues to plague me. In just days, we have a sonogram to find out, not only the sex of our baby, but also whether all the wiring in his/her little ticker is right. Heart conditions never crossed my radar until caleb's birth and now they are continually on my mind. However, with this new found question, I think more and more about the spiritual conditions of all of our hearts, rather than the physical.
if i had to answer that question honestly today, i would say that my heart is dry. But it isn't dry from a lack of desiring living water or even for a lack of searching it out. for some unknown reason i feel as though the Lord is being very silent with me. i've experienced times like these in the past and i do know that they will pass, but i must say it is hard.
since i've had kids i can usually find an analogy to my relationship with God and their relationship with me. there have been times that i will not respond or answer my children... it isn't because i don't love them or because i'm enjoying holding out on them. it is almost always because what i have to say they are not ready to receive. do you know what i mean? they are in the middle of a tantrum and they want you to respond their way... it doesn't matter what you say at that point... they wouldn't hear it because they don't want to. or you want to teach your child a truth that you can see they need to know in their life, but it isn't the right teachable moment... you could say the words, but it would be like wind over their sweet, little heads.
well, i think i must be having one of those moments and i'm trying desperately to set my emotions and desires aside and be a listener. but beyond listening... actually be ready to accept what is said. aaagghhh.... this life can be so exhausting! at least i know that i can cling to truth... he may not be speaking, but "he will never leave me or forsake me." - heb 13:5
if i had to answer that question honestly today, i would say that my heart is dry. But it isn't dry from a lack of desiring living water or even for a lack of searching it out. for some unknown reason i feel as though the Lord is being very silent with me. i've experienced times like these in the past and i do know that they will pass, but i must say it is hard.
since i've had kids i can usually find an analogy to my relationship with God and their relationship with me. there have been times that i will not respond or answer my children... it isn't because i don't love them or because i'm enjoying holding out on them. it is almost always because what i have to say they are not ready to receive. do you know what i mean? they are in the middle of a tantrum and they want you to respond their way... it doesn't matter what you say at that point... they wouldn't hear it because they don't want to. or you want to teach your child a truth that you can see they need to know in their life, but it isn't the right teachable moment... you could say the words, but it would be like wind over their sweet, little heads.
well, i think i must be having one of those moments and i'm trying desperately to set my emotions and desires aside and be a listener. but beyond listening... actually be ready to accept what is said. aaagghhh.... this life can be so exhausting! at least i know that i can cling to truth... he may not be speaking, but "he will never leave me or forsake me." - heb 13:5
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